We are engaged! What next?

Photo by Jesús Alonso Arias from Pexels

Congratulations on your engagement! What a wonderful feeling it is when you decide to take the leap and spend your lives together. Ok, that's great.. I can hear some of you shout "HELP! What next?!?"

Read on to find out about the next steps, and who you'll need to consider involving in your plans for your special day.

Who do we need to involve?

For a new couple, the concept of planning a wedding can either be something you're comfortable with, because you're one of those people who has had your wedding planned out since you were a kid, or it might be something that's completely daunting and scary. Either way, you'll need someone to guide you through the process to make sure you've considered what you need, and made plans with enough notice.

To do this, you might choose to enlist the services of a wedding planner, you might do this with your partner if they want to be involved, or you might do this with your marriage celebrant. Either way, that person should be someone who knows what wedding ceremonies involve, and they can work with you well to make sure you haven't missed anything.

Most wedding ceremonies will need, at the very least, the following people:

- A Celebrant - This can be a religious celebrant (including a minister for religion) if you'd like your ceremony aligned with specific religious rites, or it could be a Civil Marriage Celebrant, Like I am, who typically marries you in line with the Marriage Act 1961 (subject to change, correct at time of writing the blog). This becomes a personal choice for you, and does not mean that you are legally married any differently, it just affects the marriage rites used. You should also consider making your celebrant one of the first people you contact and book in. A celebrant is someone that you should be able to build a great rapport and personal connection with. After all, they're going to be officiating at one of the biggest life events you will experience. Celebrants do get booked fairly quickly too, especially for popular dates such as Valentines Day, or dates with recurring numbers such as 20.02.2020. The last thing you want is to find out that your preferred celebrant has your dream date already full, and then to have to either change your date.

- A Venue - You can get married literally anywhere you want to, as long as it's within Australian land boundaries. Want to choose a large outdoor venue? Great, have a chat with the local council. Looking for something indoors? Have a meeting with the function manager to discuss their packages. Are you planning something small and intimate? It could be anywhere - your backyard, the beach, the bush, the local gardens... or even in your lounge room if you like. The most important part here is that you consider where it is, and find out if there are permits or cultural requirements to observe. Best advice - Plan your venue and book it AS SOON AS YOU CAN. Quite often, popular spots and venues for weddings fill up extremely fast, so to avoid disappointment this is one of the first things you should do.

- A Photographer - Typically, a good photographer will be in extremely high demand - and often not just for weddings. Photography is such a wonderful medium to express emotion and showcase beauty. Often people will fall in love with a photographer's work, and will know who they want at first sight. Just like a celebrant and a venue, future dates cDan be locked in quite far in advance for a photographer. This is another important supplier that you should book fairly early on to avoid disappointment.

- Catering - If you're having your reception at a venue that provides catering options, you might have this sorted already with your above contact. However if you're having your reception either outdoors, or at a venue that does not have catering, you're going to need to find a caterer who can provide what you want, and can do it for the price you want. Unsurprisingly, lots of catering services are often booked well in advance. This is a big one that you should not overlook.

- Event Styling / DJ / Master of Ceremonies / Videographer / Wedding Dress or Suits / Bridal Party Clothing / Page Boys and Flower Girls / Florist / Cake Maker / Make Up / Shoes ... etc

As you can see the list goes on. Every one of these suppliers/roles is very important in your ceremony, and need to be considered - Even if you aren't having them at your ceremony, that's OK - At least you've considered whether they are needed, and struck them out. Much better than coming to the end of the process right near your wedding and realising with a shock of fear that you've forgotten a key component and you can't access it in because everyone in your area is booked!

The Legal Bits

To get married in Australia, there are several legal requirements you must meet before a celebrant can actually perform a ceremony.

Firstly, you'll need to lodge your Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) with your celebrant. This needs to be done no later than one month before your ceremony, and is valid for 18 months. To complete the NOIM, your celebrant requires several things from you:

No Legal Impediment to Marriage

You need to be of marriageable age, that's over 18 - Or over 16 with parental consent;

you need not be in a prohibited relationship - this means basically that you can't be related; you need to not be married to another person or in a relationship with anybody else.

Valid Identification Documents

Most often this is satisfied by simply providing a Passport, OR a Birth Certificate and Licence (Or Proof of age card issued by the State Roads Authority). This is to confirm that you are the person that you say you are. Your celebrant needs to sight original, unaltered copies of these documents. You cannot provide certified copies or photocopies. That doesn't mean you need to have the birth certificate that your parents received when your birth was registered, but it does mean that the one you provide needs to have been issued by Births, Deaths and Marriages. Even if you order a brand new document today, it will be classed as "Original" because it's issued by them. It is a "Current original".

Proof of conjugal status

That's just a fancy way of saying "Prove your Marital Status". The options available are "Never Validly Married", "Divorced" or "Widowed". You'll need to provide proof of whichever status covers you. In most cases, no proof will be required for Never Validly Married, though in some circumstances your celebrant could ask you for a Single Status Certificate. This document searches state based records for marriages involving you, and provides a report. There is usually a cost for this through Births, Deaths and Marriages. It is unlikely you'll be asked for this though.

If you've been married before and your last marriage ended in Divorce, you need to provide proof of the final court order that specifies the date of dissolution of the marriage. If your last marriage ended with the death of your spouse, you will need to provide a copy of their death certificate that proves you are eligible to be married to another person.

Penalties for False Declarations

Just remember to provide everything accurately to your celebrant wihen completing documents etc. Not only is it a long and sometimes costly process to correct details on official documents, there can be harsh penalties including fines and imprisonment for providing false information or a false declaration.

Planning your Ceremony

Once you've booked your ceremony, your celebrant will ask you some questions to help build a customised ceremony to suit your preferred style. They will ask you about things that you DO and DON'T want to include, as well as suggesting certain aspects based upon their previous experience as a celebrant. They may have ideas that you like, and also some that you don't. Remember, this is YOUR day, and you don't need to blindly accept what your celebrant has offered you. It's important to mention here that there are certain parts of the ceremony such as The Asking, The Vows and the Monitum that are required by law to be included.

A celebrant should also give you the opportunity to alter your ceremony wording and inclusions if your plans change. They may charge for this service, as they are investing more time in your wedding. Make sure you clarify this when you are booking your wedding, so that you know what to expect, and you make sure there are no hidden costs!

Fees and Charges

When booking your wedding, your celebrant should be upfront about what the costs are going to be. In my ceremonies, I am clear that the ceremony includes the initial meet and greet, lodgement of the NOIM, creation of a bespoke ceremony and presentation of the marriage ceremony itself. I make sure couples are aware that they will receive a commemorative marriage certificate on the day, and while a legal representation of the ceremony that just was, it is not an official legal copy since at that point it is not registered with BDM. Couples need to apply to, and pay separately for, a marriage certificate that will be issued directly by BDM once the marriage is registered. I am transparent that these costs are the couples responsibility, and are payable directly to BDM.

I do include unlimited revisions and unlimited contact with my couples while I'm working with them to plan, create and present their ceremony. This might not be something everyone does, make sure you check.

Lastly, I offer extra rituals for inclusion in the ceremony. I'm happy to include them and perform them, however in some cases I may not have your chosen supplies in stock. These are things I'd ask my couples to provide themselves. This ensures that the items being used are exactly what the couple wants.

Oh and PS - Yes, I will dress up to your chosen theme for your wedding. So far, I've been asked to do Darth Vader for a Star Wars themed wedding, Count Dracula for a Halloween themed wedding and have also been asked to dress in different colours or style of dress to match or avoid matching bridal party colours, or suit the day such as Casual, Smart Casual, Professional, Country, Beach Themed etc. In some cases, I may ask you to provide special dress up items such as wigs, capes or make up, again to make sure it is exactly what you want.

Professional Associations and Memberships

I am a proud member of the Australian Federation of Civil Celebrants. AFCC members are entrusted to professionally create and conduct a range of ceremonies including marriages, funerals, commitment ceremonies, renewal of vows, baby namings and a range of many other important occasions and life events.

As an AFCC Member, I also have

- an excellent level of Professional Indemnity and Public Liability Insurance cover

- universal Copyright protection

- an Australasian Performing Rights Association (APRA) commercial music performance licence exemption

- a ‘Code of Ethics’ to which she/he is expected to comply, and

- a vast store of resources and peer support to draw upon

You can find my mini website on the AFCC here: https://www.afcc.com.au/celebrant/christopher-mclean/

Your suppliers may also have memberships to other national or international bodies that provide proof of their ability and verify them as a professional. Ask them to confirm with you how they can prove to you that they are properly trained, registered and trustworthy.

Use Local Resources and Knowledge

If you're stuck for ideas, often you'll find sites such as Pinterest or Instagram useful for inspiration, or you could always join your local Facebook groups to gather suggestions, recommendations or advice for what to do, who to use, where to go etc. If you search for "Wedding" or "Marriage" you will find many local groups who work with local suppliers, as well as National Groups that can provide unique perspectives and product ideas that locals may not have thought of. There may even be places you can buy discounted or get free supplies for your wedding such as invitations, supplies, venue styling items etc..

The other thing to keep in mind is to use free samples wherever they're available. When you think of invitations and wedding stationery in general - Big sites such as Vistaprint do have a free sample pack that you can request, that showcases different paper stock, finishes, layouts and other examples of product they supply that you might like for your stationery. There are a great many smaller sites that will also do this - I have even obtained a few myself to get a feel for what's out there.

Summary

At the end of the day, remember this. Your wedding is one of the biggest life events you will ever experience. You need to make sure that your team who are supporting you with it are the best they can be. You do not need to do it on your own, it's OK to ask for help, and it's OK to say NO to the people who are helping you if they're trying to steer you away from what you want. I would just suggest at least giving their suggestions a thought, to decide if they have merit in your situation.

My suggestion based upon my own wedding is don't settle for what's available if it's not what you want. If I had the time over again, there are things I would change - but, I don't have any regrets for what we did do. Ahh, the benefit of hindsight and perspective!

Best of luck planning your ceremony. Get in touch if you have any questions or if you'd like to discuss how I can work with you for your special day.

Christopher McLean - Marriage Celebrant

#all_your_love_all_your_life